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Young Writers Society



Romance Chapter 1

by Certainly Love


Chapter 1

Paris 1817 December

“A princess…” Alyssa De Broglie stated more than she asked. She couldn’t believe that her mother was actually going to marry the Prince of France. That would make her, somewhat…a princess, but not by blood. Alyssa could see her mother, Amy De Broglie, slowly trying to explain and all she could do was look at her in disbelief.

“Oh, come now, Ally. Don’t give me that look.” Her mother said, not knowing what else to say. “What do you say, Ally? Don’t you want me to be happy?”

Alyssa frowned, “Of course I want you to be happy.”

“Then why do you look as if the whole idea is horrifying?”

“Because it is horrifying.” Alyssa was already imagining how it would be like. She’d be locked up in a tower for sure and have guards following her every move. “I don’t see why we have to move.”

“Because he is the prince.”

“And I am your daughter. Does that not matter to you anymore?” Alyssa said angrily.

“Why do you find it so horrifying?”

“Tell me, mother, who wants to be imprisoned within castle walls? Who wants to be watched every second of the day---receiving stares from passerby’s and what not?”

Her mother tried to reason with her, “When you fall in love, you will understand that you have to make a lot of sacrifices.”

“I’d rather die than to----”

“Alyssa De Broglie!” Her mother said quite disapprovingly.

“But mother, we are moving far from home. I had many plans here in Paris.”

Her mother sighed for her daughter was much too complicated. Alyssa, on the other hand, was hoping so desperately to get her mother to change her mind. She loved the gentlemen in Paris. They were much more adventurous and there was always a scandal taking place wherever they went. That was what amused her the most, she just couldn’t leave.

Soon after, Aunt Renee Bencroft entered the room, “Alyssa, dear, you are as loud as a trumpet. What on earth is it that you protest so loudly?” She said as she took a seat by her sister Amy, “You’re not giving your mother more drama, are you?”

“Greetings Aunt Renee. I apologize for speaking so recklessly, but it seems my mother and I are in a little disagreement and it is so very important that she knows of how I feel.”

“Well, at least you are able to communicate with your mother in such a way. My daughter never tells me anything. My dear Danielle keeps to herself most of the time.”

Aunt Renee and Danielle lived with Alyssa and her mother since their husbands died in the same year. They had often hosted parties on many occasions and that was one of their hobbies, something they had enjoyed doing. Now they were to leave and that would all change. Danielle was a very loving cousin indeed. She had liked painting just as Alyssa did.

Aunt Renee sighed, “I am so exhausted. My, oh my. With all the snow pouring down, I think we are bound to be snowed in and then we’ll never be able to host the ball in the great hall.”

Amy sadly shook her head, “What a dreadful thing that would be.” She then looked to Alyssa, she didn’t say a word. “Let us have some tea, shall we?”

“Oh yes, please. I am chilled to the bone.” Aunt Renee replied. Amy then ordered the tea and soon they were sitting quietly, sipping their tea and still no one had said a word. Alyssa couldn’t take it anymore. The silence between her and her mother was driving her mad.

“Mother?” Alyssa nearly boomed, causing Aunt Renee to drop her tea spoon, “I have made my decision…”

Her mother regarded her with much interest. Alyssa knew that she couldn’t be so selfish and thought that moving to the palace wasn’t as bad as it seemed. Maybe there were things to discover, new people to meet.

“I shall go. Only because it will make you happy.” Alyssa tried to smile without looking so emotional.

Her mother’s eyes lit up and she strolled toward Alyssa to embrace her, “Oh darling, you made me the happiest mother in the world.”

“I’m going to miss it here.”

“Me too.”

“As will I.” Aunt Renee said as she joined them in an embrace, Amy looked at her and laughed, until they all erupted into giggles. Aunt Renee tried not to cry and Alyssa was already weeping.

* * *

“I can’t believe your mother is going to marry the Prince of France.” Roberto said.

Roberto Angleton was Alyssa’s good friend and he was always there for her when she needed him. Indeed, he was a fine gentleman. There were those who thought that Roberto was the perfect man for Alyssa, but Roberto had not felt that way as did Alyssa. It was probably the mere fact that Roberto had a way with the ladies and he often flirted with anything that walked in skirts.

Alyssa was pinning her hair up with pretty pins and Roberto watched as he leaned against the wall. “Roberto, it is a matter I find rather strange myself. My mother only met Prince Andre, at the Blue Coat Parade. She claims she’s in love.”

Roberto nearly laughed, “Well, I don’t think that there is such a thing as love at first sight.”

“I absolutely agree.” Alyssa said, rolling her eyes. Roberto then stood behind her as she sat in front of the mirror.

“You look insurmountably beautiful.” Roberto replied.

Alyssa looked up and smiled. Only because she thought Roberto looked rather charming himself. He might as well have been the Prince of France. “And I daresay, you look rather charming. I am never surprised when you steal the attention of the ladies from other gentlemen in the room.”

“You jest.” He said, “I think that is entirely because the ladies know that you are my close friend and hate to think that you could be the one I marry…but what they don’t know is that we will always be just friends.”

“Yes, Mr. Angleton. Friends.” Alyssa smiled kindly and began, “Well, come now, the guests are increasing rapidly and I’d hate to miss out on all the scandal.”

“Scandal?” Roberto questioned, but then he was pulled by the arm and soon they were descending the staircase. Roberto followed her in disappointment, but when he saw that Angel and Geni Nicholson entered the hall, he smiled.

“I wonder, who invited those fine young ladies.” Roberto quirked a brow.

“I did. I also invited Desirae Bailey, your favorite.” She said cunningly.

“You speak of her as if she were a delicacy.”

“Isn’t she?” She replied, “Well, you must excuse me. I have guests to greet and a whole night to dance away so I will not forget how wonderful my life was here.”

“Well, then, I shall bid you farewell, until we meet for the last dance.” Roberto kissed her upon the hand and Alyssa nodded.

The Great Hall was decorated in the many Christmas ornaments that they had used every year. It was elegantly done as always and for the first time, Alyssa felt a little chilled. She listened as the orchestra took their place and sounded the violins to imply that they were going to begin.

Alyssa then approached her mother. “It’s beautiful, is it not?” Her mother began, “Can’t you believe that it is our last night here?”

“Don’t remind me. I rather want to think that I am not leaving for good and that I am only leaving for a certain amount of time.”

“Oh very well. Just have fun darling and try not to fall in love.”

Alyssa sighed as her mother took the hand of a gentleman to proceed onto the dance floor. Alyssa watched her mother smile happily. Indeed she was happy and Alyssa wanted her to be happy, but she didn’t know if she could be happy like her mother. She loved Paris.

“Excuse me young miss. May I have this dance?” Alyssa turned around to find a young gentleman, possessing freckles.

“Why of course.” She answered. She took his hand and began dancing, but she didn’t care to look him in the eye. Instead, she looked to the floor. Suddenly, it was time to switch partners and Alyssa began enjoying the dance that she started laughing. Just as she found herself in another man’s arms, she decided to look at her new partner and that was when her heart dropped. The man was handsome beyond---anything. He had charming hazel eyes, but he did not look at her. He simply stayed silent and danced with much good grace. The dance was already about to end and Alyssa found she had been holding her breath.

Just as they stopped, Alyssa watched him as he bowed and walked away. Alyssa exhaled and was quite out of breath. She couldn’t help it, she was taken with him. Unexpectedly taken with him. She then noticed that he had found a spot by the fireplace---he was staring straight at her and she felt a cold shiver run through her. Alyssa stared back and even though she wasn’t close enough to see his eyes, she knew that the fire reflected in his eyes with much fierceness.

“Well, hello Ally.” It was Patrick McCray and he was one who had often flattered Alyssa to no end. There was a time when she had thought she had been in love, but found it was only infatuation. He was handsome and kind, but she knew his intentions were not towards marriage.

“Hello, Mr. McCray.” She replied with a wry smile.

“Why is it that you can refer Mr. Angleton as Roberto but you can not refer to me as Patrick?”

“I really don’t know. I think it would be most appropriate if I called you Mr. McCray.”

“But---”

“Mr. McCray,” She interrupted, “Who is that gentleman standing by the hearth?”

Patrick turned around, “Where?”

When they had looked, he had disappeared.

* * *

The next morning, Alyssa was packing up her belongings and the whole house was in an uproar, trying to get things packed and on its way to the palace. Just then, Danielle strolled into her room.

“Good morning cousin.” She said, “I just thought I would help you pack since I am all ready.”

“No, I’m fine.” Alyssa said. They both sat upon the bed and they sighed.

“I was eavesdropping upon your mother and mine.” Danielle said, sounding not the least bit interested..

“And what were they talking about?”

“Well, your mother said that you had received an offer of marriage.” She stated.

“You jest.” Alyssa said in disbelief.

“I do not. His name is Orlando Rogan II.”

“He lives within the castle walls. So I am pretty sure as soon as we get there, you will be seeing him.”

“No. I can’t marry him.” She said, quite horrified.

“Why ever not? I like him. He’s wickedly handsome.” Danielle said as she sighed.

“You’ve met the man?” Alyssa said curiously.

“Of course, but that was only for a brief moment. We had errands to do.” Danielle smiled, “Do not worry over it. The man is charming.”

“I don’t care if he is. It’s just, I met someone I rather admired.”

Danielle’s eyes widened, “Who?”

“I have no idea. I only danced with him once and then he was gone.” Alyssa sighed as she stood and began placing her jewelry into her bag.

“Well, I think you should forget about him, because once you set your eyes upon Lord Rogan, you can’t help but fall in love.”

“Then why don’t you marry him?”

“Because he is intended for you and my mother had spoken to Prince Andre so that he may marry me off to someone who will take care of me.”

“You would let him decide who will be your husband?” Alyssa asked, a little bit confounded.

“I don’t see why not,” She mumbled, “I don’t have the willingness to find love. I am not interested in falling in love and marrying for love. After all, I don’t think that could ever happen to me.”

“What? But you are as beautiful as any lady in Paris. Of course it can happen to you.”

“You really think so?” Danielle asked, “Well, I think I can learn to love him. How hard can it be?”

“As you wish.” Alyssa said. She couldn’t believe Danielle would actually marry a stranger.

That same day, Alyssa set out to find her mother to inquire about the man that she found to be her intended. She was furious…then again, she was rather irritated. There was no way she was going to marry someone she didn’t even know. Yet, the man she had deemed she fallen in love with---which she use to think highly impossible---was a stranger as well. There was no arguing it.


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243 Reviews


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Sun Sep 27, 2009 1:50 pm
Blink says...



Please don't bump old threads. Chances are, the writer is no longer looking for criticism.

Locked.




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27 Reviews


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Sun Sep 27, 2009 8:11 am
Genevieve :P wrote a review...



Hey, I'm Gen and it's a pleasure to be reviewing your work, I love it and it's a great start. I hope you keep going, and if you do, please pm me so I know and can continue reading. Most of your grammar was excellent, though I do have a little nit-picking.

Paris 1817 December
I loved the way you set the scene here, even though it's not much, it really helps me understand. :smt023

“A princess…” Alyssa De Broglie stated more than she asked. She couldn’t believe that her mother was actually going to marry the Prince of France. That would make her, somewhat…a princess, but not by blood. Alyssa could see her mother, Amy De Broglie, slowly trying to explain and all she could do was look at her in disbelief.
It surprised me that she wouldn't want to be a princess, but all the same it gives it more of a realistic sense I think.

Soon after, Aunt Renee Bencroft entered the room, “Alyssa, dear, you are as loud as a trumpet. What on earth is it that you protest so loudly?” She said as she took a seat by her sister Amy, “You’re not giving your mother more drama, are you?”

“Greetings Aunt Renee. I apologize for speaking so recklessly, but it seems my mother and I are in a little disagreement and it is so very important that she knows of how I feel.”
You really did a good job of keeping it old and all the grammar old English, though that is kind of odd, I mean, your in Paris, and your speaking perfect English. I think maybe you should use words like Pari etc. to give it a French feel.

Aunt Renee sighed, “I am so exhausted. My, oh my. With all the snow pouring down, I think we are bound to be snowed in and then we’ll never be able to host the ball in the great hall.”
You should expand more on the great ball, what is it? When will it take place? etc.

“Mother?” Alyssa nearly boomed, causing Aunt Renee to drop her tea spoon, “I have made my decision…”
Why does she boom? When I read that I thought she was going to yell at her or protest more, but then she says she has made her decision (meaning no more arguing and bickering).

“I shall go. Only because it will make you happy.” Alyssa tried to smile without looking so emotional.
So one second she's booming, the next she is trying not to get emotional?


“I can’t believe your mother is going to marry the Prince of France.” Roberto said.
I'm a little confused. If he is the Prince of France, then why are they moving? Paris is the capital of France, so it makes sense that the castle should be close by; inside of Paris.
“Yes, Mr. Angleton. Friends.” Alyssa smiled kindly and began, “Well, come now, the guests are increasing rapidly and I’d hate to miss out on all the scandal.”
The grammar doesn't really sound right here. I'm pretty sure it is right, but it just doesn't flow well. "I'd hate to miss out on all the scandal" should probably changed to something like "I'd hate to miss the scandal", do you understand what I'm getting at?

The Great Hall was decorated in the many Christmas ornaments that they had used every year. It was elegantly done as always and for the first time, Alyssa felt a little chilled. She listened as the orchestra took their place and sounded the violins to imply that they were going to begin.
So this is the Great Ball? I think it needs more of an introduction.

Alyssa then approached her mother. “It’s beautiful, is it not?” Her mother began, “Can’t you believe that it is our last night here?”
It should be can you believe, not can't you believe.

Alyssa sighed as her mother took the hand of a gentleman to proceed onto the dance floor. Alyssa watched her mother smile happily. Indeed she was happy and Alyssa wanted her to be happy, but she didn’t know if she could be happy like her mother. She loved Paris.
I still don't understand why she's leaving Paris, or where she's going.

“Excuse me young miss. May I have this dance?” Alyssa turned around to find a young gentleman, possessing freckles.
Possessing freckles just doesn't sound right to me, though maybe thats just me.
“Why of course.” She answered. She took his hand and began dancing, but she didn’t care to look him in the eye. Instead, she looked to the floor.
I think it makes her a little stuck up to not look at his face when she's dancing, and this is the kind of character that is hard to feel sympathy for.

The man was handsome beyond---anything. He had charming hazel eyes, but he did not look at her. He simply stayed silent and danced with much good grace. The dance was already about to end and Alyssa found she had been holding her breath.
Lovely description. I think there should only be one hyphen between beyond-anything, or you could say "The man was handsome beyond, well, #FF0000 ">anyone" rather than anything, only for the fact that people are not usually compared to inanimate objects.

When they had looked, he had disappeared.
I think its a little odd that the man just disappears out of the blue. I understand the mystery your aiming for, but I'm just not sure how I feel about that

The next morning, Alyssa was packing up her belongings and the whole house was in an uproar, trying to get things packed and on its way to the palace.
I would still like to know where this palace is located.

“I was eavesdropping upon your mother and mine.” Danielle said, sounding not the least bit interested..
I'm not sure that anyone would mention something like that if they weren't interested about it.

“As you wish.” Alyssa said. She couldn’t believe Danielle would actually marry a stranger.
I was a little surprised she couldn't believe this. Only because of my knowledge those times were times when arranged marriages were common.

I thought your story was good. I would love to read more, I am curious as to know if Lord Rogan II is the man she met while dancing, or if he is not and you create a love triangle with this. :?: I would also like to know what the grand ball was, and where they will be moving. Very well done. :smt003




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Sat Sep 26, 2009 9:50 am
Mo. wrote a review...



“Excuse me young miss. May I have this dance?” Alyssa turned around to find a young gentleman, possessing freckles.

“Why of course.” She answered. She took his hand and began dancing, but she didn’t care to look him in the eye. Instead, she looked to the floor. Suddenly, it was time to switch partners and Alyssa began enjoying the dance that she started laughing. Just as she found herself in another man’s arms, she decided to look at her new partner and that was when her heart dropped. The man was handsome beyond---anything. He had charming hazel eyes, but he did not look at her. He simply stayed silent and danced with much good grace. The dance was already about to end and Alyssa found she had been holding her breath.


In these paragraphs is the only time you have given any description of the characters. I need to know what they look like! I want to know more about the man with the charming hazel eyes, what colour was his hair? Was he smiling?
What did Alyssa look like??? Right now I have no idea!

Apart from that your story is good, can't wait to hear more. :D





The first draft is a trip to the amusement park. The next drafts are returning there as a safety inspector.
— SunsetTree